Hitting the wall

The is starting to wear me down. I feel like I am throwing myself against a brick wall at top speed, because hitting those bricks is sure hard on the cancer. The first few times I bounced back pretty well, but now it's getting tougher. And the more primitive part of my brain (the part that doesn't care that this is also knocking down the cancer) is starting to rebel against the idea of taking another run at the wall.

Today is the first day since the last treatment that I have felt close to normal. Although the nausea and aches faded away after the first few days, this time a deep fatigue settled in that has only very slowly eased up. My eyelids feel so heavy and my head is foggy. I keep eating, thinking that will give me some energy, but it doesn't. About the only time I have felt my head clear is when I get outside to walk or ski, and it was a really nice week to do that with several days in row that were warm (by our standards) and not too windy. That's over now though, as the cold air has moved back in on the coat tails of a New Year's blizzard.

So Monday it's off to Fargo to take another run at the brick wall. Happily, this is the last treatment with the Adriomycin/Cytoxan combo and the next time we will be switching to Taxol. At least I hope that is a good thing. The doctor keeps saying that this is the worst part and Taxol will be easier, but I've heard some horror stories about Taxol, so I'm kind of playing the "prepare for the worst and hope for the best" game on that one. But, at least I'm halfway done with the chemo and I'm ready for this AC part to be over. I can't even find the lump in breast anymore, so the bricks are doing the job. And my lymph nodes have shrunk way down as well, and the logical part of me knows that this is working and worthwhile - so it will force the rest of me to gear up and head for the wall again...