Sometimes during this treatment process, I feel like the Whos down in Whoville, screaming "I am here, I am here." So many of the people involved in providing care don't seem to have a clue that there is a real person with a complicated life, a schedule, plans, emotions, and a desire to know what is being done to them.
I was reading my chart upside down as the nurse grilled me with the weekly questions that she asks every Thursday when I see the Radiation Oncologist. I saw that there is a column where they write the number of treatments completed out of the number prescribed. On the first week it said "2 of 25", and for the following three weeks they had changed the 25 to a 30. No one EVER mentioned this to me. I wondered if I should let it go just to see if they would ever let me in on the plan without prompting. Is it a stretch for these people to grasp that patients just might be counting down the number of treatments left? That we just might be looking forward to getting done with this? They say that many patients have a difficult time transitioning away from "the comforting and safe atmosphere of the Cancer Center" (quoted from a letter they sent me last week). I laughed when I read that because I can't wait to make what feels to me like my escape from the perils of cancer treatment.
When the Doctor came into the room I said, "So, I'm planning on coming here 25 times, how many times do you think I am coming?." He got a little flustered and told me that due to being premenopausal, I am high risk and it makes sense to give an extra "boost" to the chest and scar area. We actually have no idea if I am premenopausal anymore, since the chemo put me into menopause and six months later there are no signs that I am going to come out of it. And the pathology results after the surgery indicated that there were wide margins around the area where the tumor had been along with no cancer cells found in that area. I agree with him that there is some risk of relapse, which is the reason I agreed to do the radiation treatments, but I think the risk is in the lymph nodes much more than on the scar. I told him I would think about it - I wonder if they will ask me what I decide or just go right on ahead making plans without me again? Maybe I'll just wait to see.
It's been awhile since I updated the blog, so now that I'm done bitching I had better add that I'm holding up pretty well so far. My skin is starting to show where the radiation is hitting me, but it's just like a very mild sunburn that turns to a tan. I have not had much irritation or redness at all. Last weekend I felt like I had something stuck in my throat from Friday until Monday and I got really tired and my mood tanked. When they aim at the collar bone they are hitting part of my throat, so I was afraid that by the end I wouldn't be able to swallow. On Monday I started taking a homeopathic remedy that the Naturopath had given me after surgery. I've been a little skeptical about homeopathy, but open to the idea that there might be something to it. Since I started getting more tired and having side effects as soon as I stopped taking that remedy, I figured it wouldn't hurt to start taking it again. My energy got better throughout the week, my mood improved, and despite the Doctor assuring me that the throat discomfort would almost certainly return by the end of this week, it is now Sunday and I have not had that happen again. Call it woo-woo if you like, but I'm going to keep taking that stuff until radiation is done.
