MRI Madness

This post was supposed to be about my first MRI and my first Valium, but instead we had the second Monday in a row of nasty winter weather and this time I decided to reschedule rather than risk life and limb for an MRI (and a Valium).

I was going to tough out the MRI without the Valium, just to prove that I could do it. But after hearing some MRI stories from friends and family, and after some reflection on my situation, I came to the conclusion that I am already facing my greatest fears without any good drugs at all. Some of you may be surprised to hear that those fears are not of having cancer, but of being a cancer patient: getting sucked in to the medical system, chewed up and spat out, never to be the same again. Anyway, compared to that, why not take a Valium when they shove me in the MRI tube? I'd better learn to take what I can get!

So stayed tuned for MRI-Take 2, on Wednesday. They had a 7:15 am appointment available, so I will get up dark and early and leave for Fargo at about 5:45, popping my Valium at 6:45, and into the tube I will go, hopefully all calm and in my happy place :)

Feeling Fine

Well this is just the kind of boring blog post I like to write - I felt totally normal and healthy today!

We had a great meal at Carol's yesterday, then came home and gave in to the food coma for the evening. Followed up the evening nap with a good night's sleep, and woke up early this morning with the unmistakable feeling that I had slept enough. Even looking, as I am, for the slightest sign of side effects or dis-ease, I couldn't come up with one complaint today. Took the dogs up to Tamarac National Wildlife Refuge, where the snow is deeper than here in town, and we had a beautiful hour and half long hike through some of the prettiest spots on the Refuge. There's nothing like not knowing what tomorrow will bring to help a person appreciate today!

Happy Thanksgiving!

We will be heading out to a friend's house for dinner, after a brisk (as in cold) walk with the dogs. I am still feeling ok, although definitely not normal. I think the Neulasta shot on Tuesday gave me some muscle aches yesterday, but after a good night's sleep that has improved and now I just feel a little foggy and off. Of course, under normal circumstances sleeping for 12 hours would make me feel this way too, so maybe the cold air will clear my head when I work myself up to getting out there. For any non-Minnesotans reading this, it went down to -7 F last night, but is up to a steamy -2 now (10:30 am). It is supposed to warm up even more by the time the snow starts.

Be Thankful everyone - we all have so much good in our lives!

Still OK

This is kind of weird, like waiting for the other shoe to drop, but so far its still going well. I'm ready for a good night's sleep, since one of the drugs they gave me yesterday was a steroid that kept me wide awake for most of the night. That and the dog and cat climbing the walls after spending all day cooped up at home. I had to go to the local clinic for a shot this afternoon that will boost my white blood cells up, so they can knock them back down again with the next treatment. That went fine too, and I got the dogs out for a decent walk so hopefully we can all settle down tonight. We're going to lock the cat in the basement - he is totally pissed about the weather, which is cold and snowy. He keeps wanting to go out to see if it has changed, which it hasn't. And the forecast for tomorrow and Thursday is for more snow, followed by big winds, so I'm glad we don't have to go far for the Holiday.

Not so bad

Today went about as well as it could go, especially considering that we had a significant snow storm to deal with. Mandy picked me up early and got me through the snow to "chemo class" in plenty of time. Then we went wig shopping, which bordered on being fun. Evidently wigs need to be broken in, like leather shoes, so it is better to get one before you need and wear it for shorter times. It is also amazing how good some of them look so good sitting there on the styrofoam head, but on my head, more like a Muppet. We did however, find one that looks pretty good. I went with something similar to my own hair, even though Mandy tried to talk me into a curly red-head. So I have that now, and I probably will appreciate being able to look somewhat normal.

After a nice lunch at Jade Dragon, it was back to the clinic for the treatment. Since I was dreading this and expecting some kind of immediate reaction, it was a huge relief for me that it was basically uneventful. I've done lots of blood donations, so the IV was no big deal for me, and all I felt was a little cool sensation as the room-temperature liquids went in. They give some strong anti-nausea drugs before the treatment even starts, and so far I feel fine. Came home and had a normal supper - all I feel now is tired, which would be normal after a long day running around anyway.

So before I go wind down I just want to thank Mandy again for taking me today. By the time we left Fargo there was almost 12 inches of snow on the ground, and I'm really glad I didn't have to drive home. But more importantly than that, it was so nice to be having conversations and staying somewhat distracted all day, rather than getting stuck in my head and stewing and worrying about things.

Here we go

So here is my cancer blog - just slightly less depressing than a caring bridge site, since most of the caring bridge sites I've followed ended in death. But we won't go there - my journey is just beginning.

I was diagnosed with breast cancer a week and half ago, and on Tuesday after a PET scan they decided to call it Stage 3c. Because the cells are dividing so fast and it has spread to several lymph nodes, the oncologist feels that we need to start chemotherapy right away to shrink it down, with surgery to follow. The good news about aggressive cancers, from what I read online, is that if the chemo works it will work well. The more often cells are dividing the more they get hurt by the chemo drugs. No matter how much I try to convince my logical brain that going ahead with chemo is the best decision, my gut is telling me to run away. I feel perfectly healthy and strong, not tired, not weak, not drained, not sick. And yet I have to walk into the cancer center tomorrow and sign up for 4 months of chemotherapy. Even though I realize that being strong and healthy will help me get through it better than a sick person, it makes it awfully hard to subject myself to this treatment.

So tomorrow I go off to get my first treatment. Mandy is going with me (thank you Mandy!) and we're going to check out the wig store beforehand. I'm thinking that I'm probably not much of a wig person, especially in the winter - how well do winter hats and wigs work together? Not well, I'm thinking. But I should probably check out my options, who knows how I will feel about when my hair falls out, which they tell me will be in about 2 weeks. Just in time for my birthday, so everyone can send me soft warm hats this year, I guess.