Not what I expected

Of course, what HAS been what I expected lately? Add MRI's and Vailum to that list. The MRI would have been fine either way (meaning with or without drugs), because it turns out that for a breast MRI you have to lay on your stomach with your face in massage table-type cradle and your arms stretched out like superman. Also your breasts dangle through a hole in the table - do they think this stuff up for men? When was the last time you guys went and put your testicles in a vice to get x-rayed, just in case there might be some cancer there? But I digress. Since my face was in the cradle, there was no way to see or notice in any way what a small tube you are being pushed into, hence no problem with claustrophobia. They didn't offer any music, just the ear-muff style ear protection, and it was still loud. So I lay there, being calm, breathing slowly, but not too deeply, thinking that it was all going pretty well. After about 5 minutes the noise stopped and the technician's voice came through the headphones "you moved a little bit that time, try a little less breathing". WTF? Less breathing... great. So I switched to very shallow breaths, pressing my chest down so it wouldn't move much. Soon it started getting hot, then my shoulder started to cramp up, and it pretty much just got more miserable until it was finally over, about a half hour later. If the Valium was helping, then I guess it would have been really miserable without it.

So what about the Valium? I was expecting kind of a warm fuzzy feeling, like all is right with the world. I was kind of looking forward to that. But I couldn't even notice that I had taken it until after breakfast when I started feel sleepy, despite just finishing two cups of coffee. I felt just slightly dazed, sleepy, and totally unmotivated for the rest of the day. What it reminded me of more than anything was the feeling I used to get when I lived in Canada and had winter depression. Thank god for the stir-crazy dogs who made me take them for a walk this afternoon. After a brisk walk in the cold I snapped out of the haze and felt normal again - so it least it wasn't like the real winter depression that lasts until April.